Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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