Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
