No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
