great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
