the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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