Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
