I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
