Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
