if you like me you must not know who I am
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
