i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
