i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
