Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
