new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
