I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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