when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
