Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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