im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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