i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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