So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
