If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
