Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
