I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
