I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
