remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
