break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
