I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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