need another drink. this is the easiest way
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
