I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
