I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
