I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
