we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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