I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My ass is underappreciated
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
