So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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