Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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