i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
