and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
