I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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