i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
