i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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