well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
