ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
