i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
