I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
