the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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