We're like a lot better than the average bears
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
