quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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