girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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