I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
