I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
