fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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