yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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