I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
