i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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