Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
