I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
