I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
