I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
