my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
