have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
