Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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