Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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