some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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