im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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