then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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