yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
