My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
