i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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