I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
