is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
