Jerry, you need to find god
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize