So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
