Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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