i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
