If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
