someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just threw up on my dentist
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
