She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
