I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my shit smells like andre
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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