..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
