You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
