I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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