Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
