Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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