The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
