Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
