I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
