we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
