seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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