I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
