am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
