Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
