You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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